annoyingly asked questions (aaq) annoyingly asked questions (aaq)
Q:  what kind of narcissist creates his own list of questions & answers?
A:  der.
Q:  the use of the word asylum in the title scares me a little. does this imply you are some kind of lunatic?
A:  no. the word asylum has positive connotations that predate by far its referring to pyschiatric wards, a la, the snake pit. its older & far broader meaning denotes a place of refuge from potential harm; a place of serenity, security, & comfort. but also, i might be a little crazy.
Q:  is there a dynamic quality to your design aesthetic & what do you call it?
A:  yes. the basic gist is by use of structured query language (sql), database (e.g., mysql), & a middleware (in this instance, coldfusion), the site recombines basic elements of text, images, variable positioning, & tinting on every click for a nearly infinite potential of recombined expressions. i calls it dragon gas graphics. i use coldfusion’s coding logic to create a hall of smoke & mirrors electronicwise so as to make my site a little more appealing despite its relative dearth of content.
Q:  do you lay claim to the protections afforded you under u.s. law as regards protected free speech & works of fiction?
A:  i’m glad you asked, because, yes, i do, & yes, this is.
Q:  is it true that this website is on the vatican’s infamous do not read list?
A:  jeez, i wish, but no, not that i’m aware of. why? do you know which bishop i can bribe to get on the short list?
Q:  who the hell does your proofreading? because they might be better suited for a more menial task—like driving a truck for instance.
A:  i do my own profreading, & where do you get off demeaning a profession about which you obviously know nothing?
Q:  is this site dedicated to anyone in particular?
A:  yes, this website is dedicated to the memory of my mother, nancy, who once said all you need in this life is good hair & a good horse. well, she’d had both, so i reckon god done right by her.
Q:  where did you steal the background images & other photographs from?
A:  unless otherwise cited, all content, text & images, is original & solely the property of myopia in my utopia publications. content may not be reproduced other than on the retina of your eyeball. except for these aol emoticons, which i ripped off aol.
Q:  what is your favorite color?
A:  i thought i had a favorite color, but it turned out to be a pigment of my infatuation.
Q:  what is notes from my suite in the asylum?
A:  notes from my suite in the asylum is a phonetic engineering apprentice & highly amateur photographer’s heuristic archival library—a trove of the ridiculous, moot, & profane—which is intended to be dynamic as well as facile on the occulae. *warning: contains unauthorized experiments in phonetic engineering.
Q:  how does the site work?
A:  um, you click on stuff & it takes you to other stuff.